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How do I Prepare for Separation?

Laura Chanin • May 24, 2023

Although no one plans for their marriage to end, a bit of planning in advance of separating will help down the road

Lately, I’ve met a lot of people, women in particular who are separating from their spouse. It may be a bit depressing but since 48% of first marriages (and much higher for 2nd marriages) end up this way, it is a reality. My friends that have divorced found it difficult, but in the end they are happy.

I attended a divorce and taxes workshop to sharpen my skills in this area.


Here are some tips that were written by John-Paul Boyd, Executive Director of the Canadian Research Institute for Law and the Family, and is an excerpt from JP Boyd on Family Law. The tips are to help figure you figure out who owns what and to whom one of you owes any money.


Family property, family debts and excluded property


Take a careful, but not too obvious, tally of what each of you owns. This might be difficult if you and your spouse keep separate bank accounts and maintain your own investments, but make your best efforts. A list of your spouse's RRSPs, stocks, investments, bonds, GICs, cars, motorcycles, boats, ATVs, insurance policies, properties, and bank accounts may prove to be extremely useful.


One less obvious tip is to keep a record of the names of the financial institutions that are sending your spouse mail. You don't even need to open the envelope, just record the name and address. If your family has a safety deposit box, you should go to it and make a list of the contents. Make a list of the more valuable items in the family home.


Next, you should make your best efforts to find out what property you owned and what debts you were responsible for when you and your spouse began to live together or got married, whichever was earlier. The online statements most banks provide don't go back more than two or three years, so you may have to dig into your paper files or think about ordering old statements from your banks and other financial institutions.


New debts

Once you've decided that you're going to separate, stop involving yourself in shared debts. Don't sign any new credit card or loan applications, and especially don't sign any blank documents!


New property

Keep track of the money and property coming into the household. Make sure you know who bought it, why it was bought and with what money it was bought! If you have recently or are about to receive a personal gift like an inheritance keep it separate from the family finances.


Personal matters

Open a new bank account, in your own name, at a new bank, preferably a different one than your family uses. It's also a good idea for you to arrange for your personal mail to be sent elsewhere, like to a friend or a post-office box. You can file a notice of change of address with the post office and they will automatically redirect your mail for you. Finally, no matter how stressful your home situation is, don't quit work. You will, in all likelihood, need the income in the near future.


Leaving home

One word: don't ― at least not just yet. Your situation may be difficult, perhaps even intolerable, but don't leave the family home until you've seen a lawyer especially if you have children. You might find that living on your own is unmanageable; once you've left the family home it can be very difficult to get back in. Remember that you can be separated from your spouse and still live in the same home.


See a lawyer

Even before you've separated, it's usually a good idea to talk to a lawyer to get an idea of what your rights and duties are. Many lawyers will offer an initial interview at a flat or a lower rate. Use this opportunity to get the lawyer's opinion of your situation and an idea of what your options are. You may have an amicable relationship, but if you draw up an agreement between the two of you on your own without legal advice and there are issues later a judge would likely throw out the agreement.


Saving money for a lawyer

If you're worried about your spouse noticing from your credit card or bank statements that you've seen a lawyer, there's an easy way to save up enough for a small retainer, fee or the cost of an initial interview with a lawyer. Each time you take out money to buy groceries or clothing, keep a small amount aside, in cash, and save it in a place your spouse won't easily find. If a store lets you take extra cash when you pay with your debit card, take out as much as you can each time you go to that store.


It may take a while to save up enough money this way, but at least your spouse will never find out. Make sure you destroy the receipts from your shopping! 


Source: John-Paul Boyd, Executive Director of the Canadian Research Institute for Law and the Family, and is an excerpt from JP Boyd on Family Law, a Clicklaw Wikibook © John-Paul Boyd and Courthouse Libraries BC


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This commentary is compliments of Manulife Investments - 2024 starts with a bang! Global markets stormed out of the gate in the first three months of 2024. The combination of a resilient consumer base and lower inflation levels created a positive backdrop for investors. The S&P 500 Index, the S&P/TSX Composite Index, and the MSCI World Index were up 10.2%, 5.8% and 8.4%, respectively, in Q1. The euphoria, however, didn't extend to the fixed-income space—Canadian and U.S. bonds (measured by the FTSE Canada Universe Bond Index and Bloomberg U.S. Aggregate Bond Index) were down 1.2% and 0.8%. In our view, equities are priced for the best case scenario, with markets expecting to avoid a recession, on the belief that we’ll see a gradual decline in inflation, and that central banks will soon start cutting interest rates. In such an environment, any headline surprises that state otherwise may create potentially choppy markets in the near term. How do stocks and bonds perform when the government begins to cut rates? Investors have been waiting in anticipation for the U.S. Federal Reserve (Fed) to start cutting interest rates. They believe that lower interest rates will help drive the markets even higher. That said, history suggests things may not be quite as simple. We looked at the previous nine easing cycles, dating back to 1970. In the first chart, we’ve indicated (in red) periods that we believe to mark the beginning of an easing cycle. These are easily identifiable in recent easing cycles; however, those in the early 1980s aren’t and require subjective interpretation.
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Calling all high achievers! Maybe fun isn’t the first place your head goes to when thinking of high performance. We’re talking to you- the hard worker, the busy parent, the dedicated athlete, the responsible sibling. We’ve got compelling, scientific evidence proving how important it is for you to incorporate fun and play into your life! You’ll also find some practical suggestions for incorporating more fun into your daily routine. Research indicates that happy individuals tend to be healthier physically, have lower inflammatory markers, and may even have improved productivity at work. Happiness has also been linked to better mitochondrial health and is a key factor in sustainable high performance. A recent study on twins suggests that 35% to 50% of your happiness is genetically predetermined. That means there's still a significant portion of happiness that's within our control. Interestingly, humans typically aren’t the best at knowing exactly what makes them happy. Dr. Gillian Mandich, who studies the science of happiness, says that it’s not the big shiny moments that matter, but rather the small moments over time that determine how happy we are. It is recommended to dedicate at least two hours per day to fun. Engaging in playful activities, such as games or sports not only increases happiness, but it’s also important for your brain. A study found that juvenile rats that engaged in “rough and tumble” play had higher activation in certain areas of the brain compared with control rats. They also had greater brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) gene expression, suggesting that play is important for neurodevelopment. Humor is another way to sprinkle small bursts of joy throughout the day. Laugh therapy is currently being used to treat depression and anxiety, as well as stress-related disease. Research shows that laughter actually supresses cortisol, and boosts dopamine and serotonin hormone levels. Playfulness isn't just beneficial for personal wellbeing; it can also have positive effects in professional and practical settings. Play has been shown to reduce stress, increase productivity and job satisfaction, and improve overall work quality and team cohesion. Play can also serve as an effective coping mechanism for stress, allowing you to mobilize cognitive resources and build resilience in the face of challenges. Contrary to the belief that play is only for children, research demonstrates its importance for health and wellbeing across all age groups, adults being the most prone to high stress levels. Remember that striving for constant happiness can be counterproductive. Happiness is a result, not a pursuit. Accepting the ups and downs of life and focusing on creating joyful moments, when possible, can lead to a more sustainable sense of wellbeing. In summary, incorporating more fun, play, and happiness into our lives can lead to numerous benefits, including improved physical health, enhanced productivity, and greater overall wellbeing. It's essential to prioritize these elements and recognize their significance for both personal and professional fulfillment. If you’ve been all work, no play lately- this is your sign to get out there and have some FUN! Source: https://drgregwells.com/blog/your-brain-on-play-the-science-of-how-fun-can-fuel-wellbeing References: Dfarhud, D., M. Malmir, and M. Khanahmadi. “Happiness & health: The biological factors—systematic review article.” Iranian Journal of Public Health 43, no. 11 (November 2014): 1468–1477. Panagi, L., L. Poole, R.A. Hackett, and A. Steptoe. “Happiness and inflammatory responses to acute stress in people with type 2 diabetes.” Annals of Behavioral Medicine 53, no. 4 (March 20, 2019): 309–320. Salas-Vallina, A., M. Pozo-Hidalgo, and P.R. Gil-Monte. “Are happy workers more productive? The mediating role of service-skill use.” Frontiers in Psychology 11 (March 27, 2020): 456. Picard, M., A.A. Prather, E. Puterman, A. Cuillerier, M. Coccia, K. Aschbacher, Y. Burelle, and E.S. Epel. “A mitochondrial health index sensitive to mood and caregiving stress.” Biological Psychiatry 84, no. 1 (July 1, 2018): 9–17. Chick, G., C. Yarnal, and A. Purrington. “Play and mate preference: Testing the signal theory of adult playfulness.” American Journal of Play 4, no. 4 (2012): 407–440. Wallace, J. “Why it’s good for grown-ups to go play.” Health and Sci- ence. Washington Post (May 20, 2017). https://www.washingtonpost . com/national/health-science/why-its-good-for-grown-ups-to-go- play/2017/05/19/99810292-fd1f-11e6-8ebe-6e0dbe4f2bca_story.html. Magnuson, C.D., and L.A. Barnett. “The playful advantage: How playfulness enhances coping with stress.” Leisure Sciences 35, no. 2 (2013): 129–144. Neale, D. “A golden age of play for adults.” British Psychological Society (March 25, 2020). https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/gold- en-age-play-adults. Edwards, D. “Play and the feel good hormones.” Primal Play (June 23, 2022 ). https://www.primalplay.com/blog/play-and-the-feel-good- hormones. Guitard, P., F. Ferland, and É. Dutil. “Toward a better understand- ing of playfulness in adults.” OTJR: Occupation, Participation and Health 25, no. 1 (January 1, 2005): 9–22.
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